It's (Not) Okay
by A Fire in the Attic
Summary: She looks away; meets Boyd's eyes; sees her own terror reflected there. He shakes his head briefly, as though to say "Don't make a sound." Ennis turns on her anyway, grinning and slinging her over her shoulder. "You're dead," he says.


**Prompt**: Derica- Erica has a nightmare and Derek comes to comfort her

Background Boyd/Cora just for funsies

******Word Count**: 1630

* * *

There's the sound of the ocean in her ears and a bloody body in front of her. ___Isaac_. He wasn't supposed to be there, but Kali is using it to her advantage, clawing him up, replacing memories.

Erica doesn't know how he got there. Or maybe she can't remember

She looks away; meets Boyd's eyes; sees her own terror reflected there. He shakes his head briefly, as though to say ___don't make a sound_.

Ennis turns on her anyway, grinning and slinging her over her shoulder. "You're dead," he says.

* * *

She flinches out of the nightmare, silent aside from her hyperventilating and the too fast rhythm of her heart. She needs to calm down or they'll, they'll…they'll find her. Ennis will finish her off and—

___Breathe_, she tells herself. ___Inhale. Exhale._

She breathes in for eight counts and exhales for twelve, listens to her heart, tugs the covers more comfortably around her until finally, she's calm, quiet.

Untouchable.

They won't find her here. Not tonight.

* * *

"Hey, you okay?" Isaac murmurs, slipping up to stand next to her in line in the cafeteria. "You look pretty tired."

Erica gives him a look of disbelief. "I just escaped being tortured by a group of alpha werewolves after being presumed dead. ___No_, I'm not okay," she hisses.

He winces. "That was—sorry."

She sighs and leans into him. "S'okay."

"Are you sleeping okay? After…Boyd needed someone to stay with him for a while. I think Cora snuck out to stay with him most of the time. Do you…need?" He looks uncomfortable and a little hesitant. It's clear he's offering but isn't sure they've reached that level of friendship.

They haven't.

"I'm fine," she says, crossing her arms. She's wearing one of Derek's tee-shirts, and the smell of ___alpha_ and ___pack_ are enough to ground her during school. It's a drastic change from the way she dressed before she left (got kidnapped) but she doesn't really care. People still stare at her, but it's probably because she ran away. "As fine as I can be, anyway. Don't worry."

"If you say so," Isaac says, though he continues to look doubtful.

"I do," she mutters, looking down.

She's not ___weak_. She doesn't need help.

* * *

Except the nightmares don't stop.

She doesn't really expect them to, of course. Nothing in her life ever goes as planned.

But what's important, she thinks as she stares up at her ceiling, is that she's never woken her parents after a nightmare. She's always managed to control her breathing and control the shift.

(The alphas have never found her.)

Tonight she watched them bring Cora in and chain her up. Ethan had taken a memory from Boyd. She never found out which memory.

She's breathing right again, so she rolls onto her side. Someone else will notice that something is wrong. Isaac might be the most intuitive, something born from years of abuse, but her concealer only goes so far to hide the smudges under her eyes. And it's not just physical appearances any more. There's a…___smell_. She's not happy and when she looks in the mirror, it's in the way she's standing.

She's tired. The pack will start to notice.

* * *

Boyd sits behind her in US History.

She and Boyd have always been close, and being locked up together for several months did nothing to break that.

"Erica," he says one day, whispering quietly enough that the teacher doesn't hear him over her lecture. "You're shivering."

She looks down at her hands, clenched tightly in her lap. Sure enough, her whole body is shaking, almost imperceptible to the human eye. It's easy enough to spot for a werewolf, of course. "I'm cold," she lies.

Instead of calling her on it, Boyd slips out of his jacket and hands it to her.

She slips it on over the shirt she borrowed from Isaac and tucks her face into the collar for a brief second, just inhaling. ___Pack_. She stops shaking long enough to take some legitimate notes.

After class, she tries to give Boyd his jacket back, but he shakes his head. "Keep it," he says, reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder. He smiles tightly, like he knows she's just pretending to be okay. (So is he.) "You know it's okay to ask for help, right?"

"Is it?" she says, slipping the jacket back on. It's loose on her, but she likes it that way. She tucks her fingers easily into the sleeves and rocks toward him. "It doesn't feel that way."

He tugs her closer and embraces her carefully. "Alphas are supposed to protect, you know? Talk to Derek."

She clutches at the sleeves, fisting the fabric in her hands. "Don't wanna," she mutters rebelliously and shoving her fists in her pocket.

"Erica," Boyd chides. "I know you're having nightmares. Me and Cora, too. It's easier if you find someone you completely trust to talk to about it."

"Then I could talk to you," she says.

He sighs and shakes his head. "No, that's not what I meant. Not ___trust_…you know."

"Nope," she says, and steps away from him. "I don't know a thing."

(He knows she's lying then, too. He still doesn't say anything.)

* * *

Erica wakes with a startled gasp. "What?" she hisses, panting. Tonight she saw Gerard beat Stiles while she and Boyd were electrocuted, but the nightmare feels unfinished.

Probably because Derek is standing over her, hands holding onto her biceps loosely. "You okay?" he asks.

She scoffs and laughs, a little hysterical. "People keep asking me that," she chokes out. She might be tearing up a bit, but it's not because of her nightmares or because Derek is here. (It's for both of those reasons, maybe.) "No," she continues, lifting a trembling hand to push at his chest. "I'm not okay."

"I know," he says, sounding vaguely miserable. "I know about the nightmares."

She swallows. "Do you? I see the alphas and the Argents tearing apart the people I love ___every night_. It's like I never really left the vault. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm awake or just…dreaming hopefully in the bank vault. It's so messed up, Derek."

He sits down on the bed next to her and she moves over to make room for him. "You're awake," he offers.

"How do you ___know_?" she asks. "Do you have, like, a totem that lets you know when you're dreaming? Because I…don't have anything."

"You're awake because it hurts," he says.

She thinks about the pounding in her chest and the rattling breath in her lungs, the way she can't sit still, the stares she gets at school. It does. Hurt, that is. She releases a shuddering breath and whispers, "How do I make it stop?"

He looks down at her and shrugs. "It won't. You just get used to it." He has this look on his face like he knows how it feels to be haunted. He has a dead family, of course, so he probably does. Whatever he feels is probably worse, and for a second, she feels guilty. She brought this pain upon herself when she decided to run away. At least Derek can't blame himself for the hunters killing his family.

"Sorry," she says, closing her eyes.

He reaches down and slides his fingers into her hair, combing them gently through. It shouldn't be as relaxing as it is, but she's not complaining. "It's okay," he says.

"No, it's not."

"No," he agrees, but gently. Maybe he doesn't know what she's apologizing for. "But it will be."

She nods and opens her eyes to watch him.

He keeps combing his fingers through her hair, a soft and sad expression on his face. "It will be," he promises again.

"Okay," she says. "Can you, um…" She wants to ask him to stay, to make her feel at least a little safer about the alphas. She can't make herself. "How did you know?" she says instead.

"Boyd and Cora."

"Boyd told you?" she asks, frowning. Boyd was looking out for her best interests, but it still frustrates her to think that he ignored her wishes.

"I just remembered when we got them back," he replies. "It helped if they slept near each other. It was familiar, I guess."

She shakes her head before carefully reaching out a hand to touch his leg. "It's not about familiarity."

He laughs a little. "I know. It's my little sister, though. It's tough to think about her and any boys," he says honestly. He's quiet after that, silently combing through her hair until there aren't any tangles. "I could stay, if you want."

She does, but she doesn't know how to say yes without coming across as weak. "I…" She traces a vague pattern onto his jean-clad leg and smiles. False bravado it is. "Not if you're going to wear ___those_. I can't sleep with my jeans and I'm not sleeping with yours."

He smiles at her and shakes his head. "Yeah, okay." He stands up and undoes the zipper before wiggling out of the jeans.

Erica presses a hand to her mouth to keep the laughter silent, but he glares at her any way. "Maybe you should wear jeans that ___don't _look painted on?"

He huffs and nudges her as he slips into the bed. "Shut up," he mutters as he tugs her back against his chest. He tucks his face into her hair and breathes deeply.

It's probably an alpha thing. It doesn't really matter, though, so long as she can just…

___sleep_.

(The next time she has a nightmare, he soothes her until she calms down.

It happens again the next time.

And the next.

And the nightmares don't stop, but Derek was right. It's okay.)

* * *

A/N: Erica, at this point, wouldn't know about Kate or why Derek would blame himself for the fire, which is why she had a thought to that effect.

When Erica asks him if he has a totem, it's a reference to Inception, which I don't own.

_Hopefully_ the implication that this was a mate!fic was clear. If you missed it, that's what the "trust" was that Boyd was talking about, and the "familiarity" Derek mentioned. Which is why Erica said both words were wrong because it's a much deeper bond than that. And in this case Derek and Erica have that type of bond. Basically.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.


End file.
